Last Sunday, members of The Marrow of Christ Baptist Church took to the parking lot of Shawnee Mission South to protest the lack of media coverage they had been receiving at their rallies.
“The media has been conspiring against us for too long!!” said one Ricky Smith, passionate member of the Church, “They’ve been keeping us out of the news to make us look bad!”
Leading the rally was the pastor of the Marrow, Jim Bob Phalps. Jim Bob has protested everything from nursing homes and loose-cannon cops to rebel teens and free-thinkers.
But in our recent interview with Jim Bob, he told us the true reason for his Church’s antics. “ The only reason for all our protests is to get on national TV so that we can spread our message.” And what is their message? “ We hate Micheal Cera. He is a servant of Lucifer himself, sent to control our minds through awkward, offbeat comedy and Canadian charm.”
The Marrow of Christ’s rally had an unusually large turnout; all fifteen active church members came to the protest. They sang hymns and recited Bible passages they believed supported their cause.
Their rally, however, was interrupted when a group of Micheal Cera supporters arrived on the scene, fully equipped to wage a counter-protest on the Church’s rally. “We are Michael Cera fans and proud of it!” yelled James “Michael Cera” Patter, leader of the Pro-Cera group, Cera Mist. “You should be ashamed of yourselves! We can’t change our senses of humor!”
In response to this counter-protest, a group of five disgruntled Church members decided to start protesting the counter-protest. They were met with stiff resistance from James Patter and the members of Cera Mist. “That doesn’t even make sense! You can’t protest a counter-protest, that’s not fair!”
However, the Church continued their counter-counter-protest until finally someone declared a state of shenanigans. Both sides quickly retrieved their cliched props and the rally devolved into a comically violent riot.
After half an hour of intense battle, both sides were tired out, and a truce was agreed upon. Time will only tell whether that truce will hold when the two rivals meet again.
