Happy Holidays. Not. The winter holidays bring more stress than they should considering they are supposed to bring joy.

Joy, a feeling of great pleasure and happiness, is highly promoted by sale marketers this time of year. They promote the idea that buying vast amounts of goods during the holiday shopping season will bring you joy. Chances are that you aren’t going to be that smiling actor or actress shopping for presents in a Target advertisement.

The reality is that we feel pressured to please people with gifts during the holiday season. It can be extremely stressful to find the “perfect” present for everyone on your list. And as the deadlines for the holidays approach the list of people that you need to buy presents for continues to grow.

Then there is the interaction with extended family. Grandma, grandpa, cousins, aunts, nieces, nephews and the weird uncle. People you probably avoid or don’t see for most of the year all show up in your life for this special time of year. Which leaves for plenty of instances of awkwardness. Stock your cupboards, refrigerator and pantry because your relatives brought their appetites, if you’re hosting that is.

Being a host family during the holidays is not a job to be envied. Everyone comes into your home, forgets to take of their shoes and eat all your food that you spent days preparing. You also have to play referee because otherwise you might have to pull the hot glue gun to repair some household items.

A guest can be difficult to be as well depending on how well you get along with your family. Perhaps you hold a grudge against one of your cousins for smearing boogers on your favorite sweater when you were eight and now when you see them you want nothing more than to return the favor tenfold. Just hope your aunt doesn’t mention to your mother about how she looks a bit “heavier” this year.

It would be quite easy to come to the conclusion that holidays aren’t about family values, showing gratitude, or practicing religion anymore. America’s values are changing. If you look at the trends of our holidays then you can observe the heavy shift towards materialism. While the what has become holidays can’t be completely fixed, a way everyone could help is by resisting the temptation of shopping for all their gifts and instead gift them with something homemade or passed down.