It’s time to make coffee the same way you made dioramas in elementary school: taking a bunch of miscellaneous supplies from the kitchen and binding them all together (or maybe that was just me). Whether you’re out of creamer or you just don’t want to be associated with the basics who do, these recipes are sure to make you feel even jazzier than the Wendy’s hot drink guy.

LLEWELLYN
Llewellyn is the kind of coffee you drink when there’s art to be created, alt pop to be listened to, and abandoned buildings to take artsy photos in. Me? A hipster? Of course not.

To brew Llewellyn you’re going to need:

6 butterscotch chips,

a spoonful of brown or raw sugar,

a few drops of vanilla extract,

and milk (or any kind of suitable milk substitute).

First, let it be known that unless your coffee is hotter than the raging forges of Isengard, you may want to premelt your butterscotch chips in the microwave before pouring them in your drink, just so they’ll melt. Next, scoop out a spoonful of brown or raw sugar and toss it in with the elegance of brown snow drifting into a bitter sea of death. Now, carefully pour out a couple of drops of vanilla extract. Do not overdo this, unless you want your coffee tasting like literal poison. Add milk to your desired level of milkiness, and whah! You’re well acquainted with Llewellyn, your new best friend.

BRUTUS
Brutus is a shady kind of drink from the other side of the tracks. The kind of coffee your mother warned you about. This drink wears leather jackets and rides a motorcycle to cool places at night. It also has ice cream in it, so there’s that.

Brutus calls for:

6 chocolate chips,

6 white chocolate chips,

and chocolate ice cream (or in my case, a leftover chocolate concrete from Unforked).

Pour your hot coffee over the chocolate chips until fully melted. Then, the white chocolate chips. Now, spoon out as many spoonfuls of chocolate ice cream you want until you reach your desired level of milkiness.

Pretty straightforward, yet just as mysterious. Just like Brutus.

KARLIE
Karlie spells her name in a quirky way, because she’s a quirky drink. The kind of drink you go to carnivals and art fairs with, go out to dinner with its parents, hold her hand, and– whoops, got carried away there for a second.

Anyway, Karlie requires:

10 white chocolate chips,

2.5 large spoonfuls of Cool Whip,

and 1 spoonful of powdered sugar.

First, you’re going to want to pour your coffee over the chocolate chips, just to aid in the melting process. Then, stir it all up with a spoonful of powdered sugar. Give it that “I just ordered a funnel cake from the county fair and now I feel sick” kind of sweetness. For milk, you’re going to shovel out two and a half rather large spoonfuls of Cool Whip. Once again, stir until melted.

Now, you could stop here, but then again, why not step it up a notch? While you have the Cool Whip out on the kitchen counter, spoon out a dollop and plop it on the top. Splash a tasteful (or completely obscene) amount of rainbow sprinkles on top, and before you know it, Karlie has reached her full potential.